Kala & Ho’oponopono – Forgive and Make Right

by R. Makana Risser Chai

Recent m edical studies have proven that forgiveness is good for you. For example, a 1999 study at the University of Tennessee found that people who hold grudges have higher blood pressure and more anxiety than people who forgive.

Traditionally, Hawaiians know that conflicts, guilt and holding grudges caused disease. They practiced ho’oponopono, a system for recognizing conflicts, forgiving the people involved, providing for restitution, and making things right.

In ancient days, when a person became ill, a kahuna (doctor) or elder would call together the family to discover the reason for the illness. Family members looked within themselves for any conflict or guilt. One person might then confess an incident. The family discussed it, and the person apologized and asked for forgiveness. Everyone forgave the person who sincerely expressed regret, but they went beyond forgiving. They would kala – release themselves and the person not only of the deed, but also of the “recriminations, remorse, grudges, guilts and embarrassments the deed caused.” (Pukui, Haertig & Lee)

In today’s western society, we do not have elders or doctors who can call the family together for a discussion of past hurts. Many of us can’t get our families together in the same room, such is the physical and/or emotional distance between us. But even without formal ho’oponopono, you can still get the benefits of forgiveness.

Although in traditional ho’oponopono it is important for the person who caused the problem to ask for forgiveness, you may not be able to get that. The people who have hurt you in the past may have died, or they may not be willing to admit their mistakes.

Some people say that we should never forgive certain things because they are “unforgivable.” The problem with not forgiving others is that it only affects you, not them. As the saying goes, “It’s like eating rat poison to kill a rat.” You do not have to forgive the behavior, just the person. We can choose to forgive anyone, simply to have peace within ourselves.

Who can you forgive? Everybody! Parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, children and other family members. Ex-spouses and ex-lovers may need forgiving, as well as current ones. Clergy, teachers, police officers or others who abused their authority can be forgiven. Bosses, co-workers, neighbors, friends. Clerks, waiters, customers, drivers, pedestrians, bicyclists. The list is endless.

How do you forgive? There are many ways to practice forgiveness.One way is to picture the person in your mind and say silently to them, "I love you. I forgive you. I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you." Say it over and over until you feel your heart soften. Then try saying it silently while you are with the person.

If you are mad at someone, they can tell, even if you "act normal." When you have forgiven them and asked for forgiveness, they can tell that, too. Just this morning my husband and I got into one of our usual disagreements about something. While he was making his point I started silently forgiving. He stopped in the middle of a sentence, thought for a few moments, and then came up with an idea that was better than either of us had been arguing for!

You also can combine this with a ha breath practice. As you inhale, breathe in forgiveness, and as you exhale, breathe out forgiveness to everyone in your life, your community, and the world.

When you practice forgiveness, you will release your stress and improve your life.

Practice forgiveness in a program by Makana.

Sources:

Mary Kawena Pukui, E. W. Haertig, M.D., Catherine A. Lee, “Ho’oponopono,” in Nana I Ke Kumu: Look to the Source Vol. 1 (1983)

For a list of medical research studies, go to www.forgiving.org.

The worldwide Centers for Attitudinal Healing, Founded by Gerald Jampolsky, M.D., have groups that meet to practice forgiveness.

How Link Between Forgiveness and Health Changes with Age, University of Michigan, 2001

Anne Lamott, Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith (2000)

Read about the medical effects of forgiveness in Forgiveness: The Greatest Healer of All, by Gerald Jampolsky, M.D.